In uncertain times, it's natural to experience anxiety and fear. Going through a divorce is almost always stressful; in the midst of social upheaval, it's a special kind of hard. Here are a few important things to consider to help minimize the impact of fear in your divorce process and in your life:
1.) Make a list. Identify people/places/practices that support your needs. You can break this up into categories such as: financial, legal, emotional, spiritual, and social. If you find yourself lacking support in one or more area, identify where you could find more. If you get stuck, please reach out to our office--we are equipped with resources and referrals.
2.) Choose the right friends. Not everyone in your circle will be equipped to support you healthily through your transition. Let that be okay. Choosing the right "divorce friends" doesn't mean choosing loved ones who tell you what you want to hear, but it does mean leaning on loved ones who are emotionally healthy enough to keep their own baggage and judgements out of the conversation, and to be authentic and supportive of you and your journey.
3.) Own your path. This can be difficult if you are not the partner who chose divorce. Understandably, you may have resistance to the process as you cope with feelings of rejection, hurt, and regret. Welcome your feelings: they have intelligence. However, be aware of the source of your feelings. Disempowering stories, for example, can give rise to feelings of powerlessness, anxiety and fear that are not necessarily inherent to the situation you are in. Blaming stories can leave you feeling victimized, helpless and resentful. You can change those narratives when you become aware that they are not serving you. And, you can be entirely selfish in this endeavor. Changing a blaming narrative need not be motivated by a desire to be a "better person"... rather, it can be motivated purely by a desire to shift from feeling powerless and victimized to feeling empowered and motivated to build a better life. Your narratives define how you experience events. You may have little choice over the events life brings you; but with mindfulness and practice, you can develop the power of choice over how you define them.