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27 articles

The Art of AcknowledgmentRelationships

Featured

The Art of Acknowledgment

We move through life with a hunger we rarely name—the need to be seen, recognized, and valued for who we truly are. Yet acknowledgment remains largely on the sidelines,…

3 min readRead article
Love is a Decision
Relationships

Love is a Decision

What is love? Love is a word that gets tossed around quite a bit. How often have you said or heard the words “I love you”? But have you ever tried to sit down and pencil an actual definition of what…

8 min read

Cultivating Self Love
Relationships

Cultivating Self Love

As a student of relationships in general, I have to agree with the old adage: You can’t love others if you don’t love yourself. Thus, cultivating healthy relationships begins with improving…

2 min read

The Power of Being ALL IN
Relationships

The Power of Being ALL IN

Many people ask me: Why get married? In addition to the fact that empirical data consistently demonstrates that marriage is associated with a range of positive outcomes for both men and…

2 min read

The Power of Playfulness
Relationships

The Power of Playfulness

Image copyright: John Hoelle. Love and relationships were a consistent theme in the cartoons I drew for my high school and college newspapers. In honor of the playful non-holiday of the first of…

3 min read

The Prayer That Heals
Family Law

The Prayer That Heals

“I’m sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you.” The Ho’oponopono Prayer, four simple phrases changed what was a turbulent, toxic, self destructive divorce situation into cohesive co-parenting, peace, and friendship post divorce.

5 min read

Resting In Each Other’s Care
Relationships

Resting In Each Other’s Care

August 14, 2024 would have been the 55th wedding anniversary of my parents. They passed within 3 months of each other, earlier in the year, at 92 and 85. They weren’t the most passionate couple. Once…

3 min read

The Power of Being Vulnerable
Relationships

The Power of Being Vulnerable

What do you think of when you think of being powerful? Being Strong? Stubborn? Aggressive? Arrogant? If these words come to mind, you are in line with cultural assumptions. What may not have jumped to mind is “vulnerability.” But I’m here to argue vulnerability is a greater source of power than any of those other qualities in human interactions.

4 min read

Humility, Dignity and Their Shadows: Two Sides of the Same Coin
Relationships

Humility, Dignity and Their Shadows: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Humility, Dignity and Their Shadows: Two Sides of the Same Coin Many people I know are despairing of the current state of society and public dialogue. Peruse social media–or any media for that…

12 min read

Metabolizing Jealousy
Relationships

Metabolizing Jealousy

Currently, jealousy is a pernicious force in the world. Why? Because it is generally shoved under the rug. By this I mean that when the feeling rears its head, the person feeling the emotion…

2 min read

Befriending Your Inner Monsters
Relationships

Befriending Your Inner Monsters

Turning Toward Difficult Emotions “At some point, numbness becomes more painful than pain.” One of my favorite books as a child was The Monster at the End of This Book. In it, Grover, from Sesame…

12 min read

The Mission and Commitments of Your Relationship
Relationships

The Mission and Commitments of Your Relationship

What binds people together in a relationship? Part of the answer is the “ mission ” of the partnership. Every relationship has a reason or purpose. In some cases, simply bringing children into the…

3 min read

Getting Clean With Your Inner Child (So It Stops Sabotaging Your Relationships)
Relationships

Getting Clean With Your Inner Child (So It Stops Sabotaging Your Relationships)

(Fourth in a Series) So you're on board with this journey of self-discovery and freedom. You get that the stakes are high: they are your access to real love, real connection. Let’s drill down a…

11 min read

It’s Always About You
Relationships

It’s Always About You

You are worthy of something better than what your ego has been trying to sell you. (Third in a Series)

10 min read

Devotional Relating (and the Obstacles to Devotion)
Relationships

Devotional Relating (and the Obstacles to Devotion)

What is it that's stopping you from devoting freely to your love partner(s)?

4 min read

The Ultimate Pivot
Relationships

The Ultimate Pivot

Own your experience. (Second in a Series)

19 min read

The Inescapable Calculus of Intimate Relationships
Relationships

The Inescapable Calculus of Intimate Relationships

Using relationships to grow in personal freedom. (First in a Series)

11 min read

How to Apologize for Real: Tips for Apologies That Work
Relationships

How to Apologize for Real: Tips for Apologies That Work

People going through divorce mediation with us often want to apologize for behaviors that may have contributed to the souring of the marriage. What they sometimes don’t realize is that how you…

8 min read

Money Isn’t the Trump Card in Your Relationship
Relationships

Money Isn’t the Trump Card in Your Relationship

In another era, perhaps, the person who earned the money wielded authority at home. In today's intimate relationships (where the emphasis is on partnership), more money does not buy more votes in…

2 min read

How to Exceed 80/20 in Love
Relationships

How to Exceed 80/20 in Love

Because I am both a couples mediator and divorce mediator, I am frequently asked about my most important advice for committed couples. My answer is simply to decrease the negative quality of a…

6 min read

Are You in a Conscious Marriage That Works For You and Your Spouse?
Marriage

Are You in a Conscious Marriage That Works For You and Your Spouse?

A conscious marriage is one between people who: Have a particular interest in understanding how they and others tick, are motivated, and find meaning Engage in that exploration in order to show up in…

5 min read

Do the Dishes and Stay Un-Divorced
Relationship Mediation

Do the Dishes and Stay Un-Divorced

Staying "un-divorced" is about shining the light of consciousness on just the right areas. Many couples come to us in crisis, and learn that Couples Mediation can be a supportive process to help them…

2 min read

Part 2: Relationship as a Spiritual Practice
Relationship Mediation

Part 2: Relationship as a Spiritual Practice

In Part 1 of this article, we discussed how intimate relationships might be thought of as a context for spiritual growth, and that “conscious” relationship is like spiritual practice because, as with…

3 min read

Part 1: Relationship as a Spiritual Practice
Relationship Mediation

Part 1: Relationship as a Spiritual Practice

Intimate relationships might as well be thought of as a context (or opportunity) for spiritual growth. Why not? If our relationships were just about reproduction, humans would have a mating season!…

5 min read

Video: Elevate Your Relationship and Up-Level Your Life
Relationships

Video: Elevate Your Relationship and Up-Level Your Life

Relationship mediator John Hoelle gives a brief rundown of three areas to shift in order to improve your relationship and thereby maximize your creative energy. John Hoelle is Co-Founder of Conscious…

2 min read

Are You More Committed to Fighting With Your Partner Than to Peace?
Relationship Mediation

Are You More Committed to Fighting With Your Partner Than to Peace?

Most people consider it self-evident that they want peace and harmony in their marriage or intimate relationship. Why then do we so often find ourselves in conflict with our partner? One place to…

7 min read

The Five Core Distinctions of an Extraordinary Relationship
Relationship Mediation

The Five Core Distinctions of an Extraordinary Relationship

My divorce was painful, but necessary. For twelve years, leading up to the court decree, I had gotten intimately acquainted with what it’s like to have an ordinary relationship. That relationship…

8 min read

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