Questions Therapists Ask Us About Working Together

We've had a lot of these conversations over the years, and the same questions come up. Sometimes people ask straight out. A few we've only heard once or twice, because they're slightly awkward to ask, and those are usually the ones actually holding someone back.

So here they are, including the awkward ones, answered as directly as we can manage.

"What's in this for you?"

Referrals. We'd rather say that plainly than perform modesty about it.

Therapists are typically where people go first when a marriage is in trouble, months before anyone speaks to a lawyer. A firm that works the way we do needs clinicians who understand what we're for, and the alternative is advertising to people who've never heard of us.

The part that isn't self-interested is that it runs both ways, and genuinely. Our clients need good therapists — during the process and in the years after it. We curate a network of Colorado clinicians we trust, we refer to it a lot, and we'd rather send people to someone we've actually spoken to.

"Do I have to send you clients after we talk?"

No. And we don't ask at the end of the call.

Some of these conversations turn into a working relationship over years. Plenty are just a time to meet and connect and nothing else, and that's a fine outcome. Sometimes we answer a question that was bothering a fellow professional, and if a client of theirs is served better by knowing their options, the twenty minutes did its job.

"Will I get dragged into the legal process?"

The honest answer is that no one can promise you'll never receive a records request or a subpoena.

What we can say is that the risk depends heavily on the process. Adversarial matters run on evidence — when two people ask a judge to decide something, particularly about children, the machinery that gathers proof switches on and reaches for whoever knows the family. Out-of-court processes aren't building proof of anything, so the pressure that produces those kinds of requests largely isn't present..

"What happens to my relationship with the client?"

It continues, and we work to protect it.

We don't present ourselves as the emotional support in a divorce. We're not qualified for that, and honestly the legal work goes better when a good clinician is already involved. If anything we lean on you. With the client's consent we're glad to coordinate — pacing things around what a person can absorb, not scheduling the hardest conversation in the same week everything else is coming apart.

We've never wanted to be the professional who replaces the therapist. That arrangement serves nobody.

"How do I know you're any good?"

Interview us. Seriously — that's what the call is for.

Ask us how we handle a couple who can't be in a room together. Ask what we do when someone starts hiding money. Ask what kind of family we turn away, and if we say we take everyone, that's your answer right there.

You could also read the blog. Most of what's there is us thinking out loud rather than marketing, and you'll get a reasonable sense of whether we're people you'd want beside your client.

"What does it cost my clients?"

A streamlined mediated divorce for a simple case averages around $5,000, shared between the couple. Two attorneys in a contested matter is commonly $20,000 to $30,000 and up. Most of our couples finish in about three months.

We work at keeping that number down on purpose. Where conflict is profitable there's a quiet incentive to let it run, and we'd rather not be that kind of firm.

"Are you going to add me to a mailing list?"

You're on one now, technically, because you downloaded the guide — and after this note you'll hear from us occasionally but not regularly. Unsubscribe whenever you like and nothing awkward happens.

We don't sell or share the list. We're not going to call your office.

"I'm not sure I have anyone to refer right now."

Most therapists don't, on the day they read something like this. That's rather the point of meeting before you need to.

The moment a referral becomes relevant is a moment when your client needs an answer that week. Having already spoken to someone is the difference between a name you can give with confidence and a search result.

"What if I don't think mediation is right for my client?"

Then it probably isn't, and we'd like to hear why.

There are families we shouldn't serve — where there's violence or coercive control, where someone can't participate safely or honestly, where an untreated condition means a person can't speak for their own interests. We screen for it and we turn people away. Clinicians often see it long before we would.

Some of the most useful calls we have end with us saying not us, and here's who instead.

Anything we haven't covered, please bring it to a call. Twenty minutes, free, by video (or coffee if you're near Boulder).